I've said it before and I'll say it again - I love the humour of The Onion. Now, they have merchandise, including gift boxes (that you fill with your own bric-a-brac) that looks like the latest didn't-know-I-needed-it-until-I-saw-it-on-TV crap. One of my favorites is the Peaceful Progression Smoke Alarm. It promises that you'll "wake up to your next fire calm and refreshed" offering a remote control with silence/snooze/off/test buttons.
I bow to your greatness, Onion Creative Team. If it weren't for my aversion to boxes, I'd order some of these.